This dress was meant to end up on your floor
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
They have beer where we have blood.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
