I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
