a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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