respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
