Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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