Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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