I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
