This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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