How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
