just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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