you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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