I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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