bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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