in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
