just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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