I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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