I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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