I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
