I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
