fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
