This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
