if you like me you must not know who I am
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
