His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
a search helicopter?!
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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