lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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