Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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