i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
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