the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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