dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
