i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
