found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
