i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
