in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You took a bar mat shot.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
