I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
