I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
