My boss' voice literally gives me gas
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
