I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
