Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
