I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
