Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
