I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
