I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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