If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
