Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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