My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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