Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
