Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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