you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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