I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Randomize
