Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
