is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
