Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
