I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
