Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
someone owes me an orgasm
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
